Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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