Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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