hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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