I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
