in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Actions speak louder than pants.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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