Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize