flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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