why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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