he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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