He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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