Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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