Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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