I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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