Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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