I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
