My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
She's the barista slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize