we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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