I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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