In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
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Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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