moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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