I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
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I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
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I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
is that a dick in a sweater?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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