Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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