My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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