He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
