My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
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in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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