Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I wish I only lived at night.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
