Do you still have your period?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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