Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.