Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style