Texts From Last Night

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  (714): View more from California

  I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.

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  (714): I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public. http://tfl.nu/k8h3
  Replies (8) Good night (634) Bad night (2064)
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  (915): View more from Texas

  What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin

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  (915): What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin http://tfl.nu/xzqi
  Replies (52) Good night (906) Bad night (3312)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.

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  (703): Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick. http://tfl.nu/xski
  Replies (15) Good night (573) Bad night (3537)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.

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  (610): If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups. http://tfl.nu/xgvv
  Replies (42) Good night (5381) Bad night (813)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.

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  (847): sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant. http://tfl.nu/gemh
  Replies (15) Good night (958) Bad night (5888)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.

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  (410): I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs. http://tfl.nu/xa92
  Replies (85) Good night (8439) Bad night (1214)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.

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  (814): Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside. http://tfl.nu/psku
  Replies (10) Good night (1347) Bad night (3691)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.

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  (814): if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning. http://tfl.nu/xo3z
  Replies (20) Good night (5135) Bad night (1157)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.

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  (613): I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked. http://tfl.nu/z7yx
  Replies (11) Good night (7076) Bad night (894)
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  (845): View more from New York

  Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person

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  (845): Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person http://tfl.nu/riak
  Replies (15) Good night (1795) Bad night (545)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.

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  (812): No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety. http://tfl.nu/ybkw
  Replies (5) Good night (895) Bad night (497)
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  (661): View more from California

  How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.

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  (661): How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents. http://tfl.nu/nsw6
  Replies (17) Good night (581) Bad night (1253)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink

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  (586): I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink http://tfl.nu/rj3c
  Replies (3) Good night (350) Bad night (571)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me

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  (412): I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me http://tfl.nu/nb8z
  Replies (1) Good night (247) Bad night (384)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.

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  (702): Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird. http://tfl.nu/0bqw
  Replies (1) Good night (349) Bad night (531)

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