Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
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She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
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His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well