i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.