Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger