I just made out with a guy for $7.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
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We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
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I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell