I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
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he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
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Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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