we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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