Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
