For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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