Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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