just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
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I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
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Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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