Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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