mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize