She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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