I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
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Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
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