he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
