id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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