I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
