Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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