Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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