Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.