I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single