just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that