I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.