that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
