I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Randomize
