I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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