I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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