Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
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Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
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They took my balls.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"