I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
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Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
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He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.