where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
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she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
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True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.