I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves