I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I have feelings that need drinking.