I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?