That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
