i already hear my dad disowning me
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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